Friday, April 20, 2018

Quote for the Day

A man commisioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife.  When he first saw it, he was horrified at the style in which it had been painted.  He told Picasso that he ought to make pictures of things the way they are and produced a photograph of his wife from his wallet.  He said, "There, you see, that is a picture of how she really is." Picasso looked at it and said, "She is rather small, isn't she. And flat."

Picasso self portraits

Funny Friday

Following on from yesterday's post, the public art creations of Tom Bob, today's Funny Friday theme is art. Enjoy.

I will be away for a few days so there won't be any Bytes this weekend. 😞 Back Monday. 😊

* * * * * *
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why that's exactly what you asked for" said the artist smugly. "No, I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts" "And there you have it" said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians' 

There was artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialised in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!"
* * * * * *
My girlfriend insisted on going to the art gallery so I went along with it and after an hour looking at pictures I called her over and said, "What about this one?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, it's the best one I've seen yet."
"If you don't want to be here, then leave."
"When did I say that?"
"When you called me over to look at the EXIT sign."

* * * * * *

The definition of Modern Art

* * * * * *

Corn Corner:

A lot of corn this week . . .

* * * * * *
I've just found a portrait of a policeman in the loft.
I think it's a Constable.

* * * * * *
Did you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(He couldn't make his Van Gogh. If he got Degas, could he make it Gaugin?)

* * * * * *
Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

* * * * * *
Q: How many visitors to an Art Gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

* * * * * *
I've developed a foolproof technique any of you can use to sculpt a model of an elephant.
1. Get a huge block of marble.
2. Chip away anything that doesn't look like an elephant.

* * * * * *
As a painter, I'm proud to say some of my work can be seen in the National Gallery.

I did the skirting boards.

* * * * * *
An artist decided to buy a new easel. He wasn't too sure what type to get. At the art shop they offered him two, a big one and a small one. He pondered for a while and finally decided on the lesser of two easels.

* * * * * *
And now, like Vincent, I'm outta here . . .

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Thought for the Day

Tom Bob's Street Art

As I have previously sometimes stated, I am fascinated that you and I can look at an object and see the object; someone else can look at it and see a group of monkeys or a lobster.  Albert Einstein supposedly said logic will take you from A to B, whereas imagination will take you everywhere.  So it is with Tom Bob, a street artist who has been brightening the public areas of New York and Massachusetts by reimagining mundane items such as manhole covers, pipes and bollards.  Here is some of his work . . .

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Quote for the Day

How much is a shitload?

Someone sent me an email with the above title and a collection of photographs, which I then couldn’t find when I wanted to post same.  I have located other pics on the ‘net, the photographs proving the ingenuity of some people and the stupidity of most of them, especially the ones putting lives at risk. As Brit comedian Frankie Howerd used to say, “I’m flabbergasted — never has my flabber been so gasted!”

. . . and, to conclude, one that appeared a few days ago in connection with Oz Big Things. . .