Funny Friday

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Today is the third week in the Funny Friday triptych of Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll.

We’ve had the sex, we’ve done the drugs, so now let’s . . .

By the way, there’s so much corn today that there is no point in having a Corn Corner.

Also, not everything below is related to rock, although it is musical . . .

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Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a podiatrist?

A. The podiatrist bucks up your feet, whereas the drummer...

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Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?

A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

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Q: What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A: A rock guitarist gets to play 3 chords in front of 1,000s of people, whereas ...

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A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend’s house. The girlfriend said to her mum, "We’re going up to my room" and the mum says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun." When they are up there the mother hears: "Baby baby baby, oh!" The mother walks to the door and asks "What the hell is going on?" The girl says, "Mum, we're just having sex." The mum says, "Oh, thank God. I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber."

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Worst Christmas present ever: a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.

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I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That’s me in the Korma.

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I asked REM what the frequency was.  Michael Stipe said “Everybody Hz.”

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My laptop’s fucked. It keeps playing ‘Rolling in the Deep’ on a loop. I think it’s a Dell.

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My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face

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What is an electrician's favorite band? AC/DC, because they're always current.

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Why hasn't U2 found what they've been looking for? Because the streets have no names.

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What is Axl Rose's favorite tea. Sweet Chai O' Mine.

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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

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Two Beach Boys walk into a bar. “Round?” “Round.” “Get a round?” “I’ll get a round!”

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Did you hear William Shatner once proposed to Stevie Nicks? 

She declined because she didn't want to change her name to Stevie Shatner-Nicks

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What would a muso do if he won a million dollars?

Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

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Cozy Powell* has died. He wakes up and finds himself on a stage on which a number of instruments are set up. A door offstage opens and in walks Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding and Buddy Holly. Each of them picks up his favourite instrument and begins tuning up. All of the instruments are taken except, to Powell's immense pleasure, the drums.

He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what Heaven is like." Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is Heaven?"

At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, three, four..."

*Cozy Powell (1947 –  1998) was an English rock drummer who made his name with many major rock bands and artists like The Jeff Beck Group, Rainbow, Gary Moore, Robert Plant, Brian May, Whitesnake, Emerson, Lake & Powell, and Black Sabbath.

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